Monday, December 25, 2006

No reindeer in Austin, but they've got goats. And notes on the continuing decline of my standards.

I was staying in a cabin outside Austin with my friend Nic and his family for Christmas. While walking through the woods, we saw a bunch of goats on their way to a Christmas party of some sort. Check it out:

And here's me with Nic and his mom and dad. If me and Nic's family were in a band, this is probably what one of our band photos would look like:

His family not only opened their home to me for the holidays, but got me some cool presents too. Amongst the goodies were gift cards for Chinese restaurant, P.F. Chang's, and Banana Republic. That's kind of funny because when I first moved here, these two chain establishments brought to mind how Los Angeles had kind of lowered my standards. On my first week at work in LA, one of my co-workers invited me out for Chinese food. I accepted, but changed my mind when I heard it was P.F. Chang's. As a New Yorker, I didn't consider P.F. Chang's real Chinese food any more than I considered Pizza Hut to be Italian food. After being called a snob, I broke down and went:

Week 1 in LA: P.F. Chang's is not Chinese food.
Week 2 in LA: P.F. Chang's is alright I guess if there's nothing else around.
Week 3 in LA: Wow, I could go for some P.F. Chang's.

And in NYC, I would never go to Banana Republic. There were too many cool thrift stores in the East Village to even bother. But out here, it's all too spread out and sunny to be bothered hunting for clothes. Banana Republic is easy. LA is all about easy. Little by little, my standards get lowered in exchange for easy. And my gift cards will make it all even more Los Angeles-ier, I mean easier. Wise-ass rants aside, I really will enjoy the gifts.
Banana Republic does have cool socks, which I really need since all the ones I own have holes in them. And I've already become addicted to the Chicken Lettuce Cups at Chang's. Thanks Briseno family! (especially for the fancy kaleidescope Eddie and Harriett). Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Let's meet our fellow flyers.

I'm at the airport on my way to Austin, with my ticket in hand for the post-911 security sideshow. I've removed liquids and gels from my carry-on luggage. I've worn my good socks in preparation for taking off my shoes. I've severed al my ties to Al-Qaeda (except you Shakir, we've got something special, don't worry.)

But hey, what's this middle-eastern looking guy in front of me trying to check in?




I don't know what the hell trigger spray is, but it sounds a hell of a lot more dangerous than all the body wash they've been confiscating.

So, who else is here at the airport? There's this guy getting his shoes shined. I found this guy to be quite an oddity. If you care enough about your appearance to get your boots shined, why would you wear them with white socks?

Holiday on Ice. (well, water)

It sounded like a big party was brewing down the street. It grew louder and louder until it seemed too loud to be a party that could fit into any of the neighboring small houses.

I went to investigate and found a hundred or so people lining the canals to watch a Christmas parade along the waterways.

Leave it to LA to figure out how to have a parade without tying up traffic.

A Christmas story.

Now that I'm in LA, there's a few things I miss about Christmas in New York. One is snow. Another is walking along streets lined with Christmas trees for sale.

A few years ago, I became fascinated by the Christmas tree vendors who descend upon NYC. For a little over a month every year, these guys leave their Canadian tree farms and LIVE in vans parked throughout Manhattan. It must be quite a culture shock.

I figured it'd be a good topic for a documentary. My plan was to capture the drama behind the scenes of country-folk trying to bring holiday cheer to millions of hardened New Yorkers. I also thought it was interesting how these trees play such an integral role in so many people's holidays, yet little is known about those who cultivate them. So, I set out to make my little movie happen.

Having been raised Jewish, I knew nothing about buying a Christmas tree. How much are they? Do they come in sizes and kinds? Do you tip the sales person? My first step was to research the buying process. That day, I visited the very next Christmas tree vendor I saw. I started asking the salesperson my questions. When I got personal, he got suspicious:

"Are you looking to buy a tree or not sir?"

"Well, to be honest, I'm thinking about doing a documentary on you Christmas-Tree-People."

"No fucking way! I'm not really a Christmas-Tree-Person. I'm a filmmaker working with these guys as research for a documentary!"

What are the chances this would be the first tree guy I ever approached in my life? I half expected all the customers to confess they were merely researching roles as extras in a shopping scene. So there we were. Me pretending to be a customer. Him pretending to be a sales guy. Only in New York. That's one of the other things I miss about Christmas in New York - there's just enough holiday spirit in the air for even the most jaded of urbanites to drop their defenses and realize what they have in common.

We bonded over our phoniness and agreed to try and work together. Alas, he had a baby and shelved his movie plan. I moved here to LA. And while I no longer get to see sidewalks lined with holiday trees, I do live on the Venice Canals amongst some beautifully decorated homes. However, this massive house down the street from me (see below) goes overboard every year.

They do something similar every Halloween too, complete with motion-sensor activated animatrons on the lawn:

You know inside this house there's a loveless marriage.

This being my first LA Christmas, what better place to spend it than in Texas? Yep, I'm off to hang out with my friend Nic and his family in a cabin outside of Austin. Happy holidays!

Friday, December 22, 2006

My collection of "people with psuedo-sexual surnames oddly linked to their professions" continues to grow.

Recently, I came across this story about the possibility circumcision may cut the risk of HIV (you can read the article here).

And who's the representative from the World Health Organization weighing in on the matter? Doctor Kevin De Cock of course.

This will look great on the shelf next to my previous find.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Holy crap, it's been a long time since I posted.

Apparently, documenting the minutiae of my life is such strenuous work, I've had to take a full month off from posting just to recharge.

I recently went back to NYC to shoot some commercials I wrote for ESPN's College Game Day Basketball show. One of the stars of these spots was former Duke star, Jay Bilas. He's an awfully nice guy and did a great acting job. Here's a shot of us trying to see who's taller:

In my defense, he's on his tippy-toes.

We shot with the talented and cool director, Adam Goldstein. You can see his reel here. The shoot went very well and it looks like we got some funny spots "in the can," as they say.

It was great being back home, seeing my friends/family. Speaking of friends and family, here's a pic I took when I was back home of Nic and Ilya busy being Nic and Ilya.

Ahhh, that Ilya, such a rapscallion with his nasty fingers.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Things are good.

Still in the honeymoon period here in LA. Job's going well. Having a great time. Great weather. Great apartment on the Venice Canals (even though it's only a temporary pad until February). Here's the view from the house I'm staying at:

My friend Jeremy came out here from NYC recently. We strolled around the canals and took in some of the sights:

As you can see, it's a pretty peaceful place.

While Jeremy was here, he took me to a party for PAPER magazine. It was a fun crowd of artists and performers. I saw a great band play there called The Deadly Syndrome. Their live presence was one to be reckoned with. They pulled off the difficult task of presenting serious music while maintaining a sense of fun. I hope I get to see them again. Check them out.

I just bought a new, much slimmer digital camera. So, hopefully I'll have more and more pics to share soon.

Friday, November 10, 2006

- sigh - Nobody walks in LA.

I bought a car. A 2000 Volkswagen Passat. I haven't owned a car in about twelve years. Shopping for one put in clear perspective how little I know about anything automotive. It was pitiful watching me open up the hood (it's called a hood, right?) and pretend I knew what I was looking at.

I almost got an '85 Mercedes. It was beautiful, but would have required more attention and love that I have in me right now.

Not sure how I'm going to like driving rather than walking. The great thing about New York is when you want to shoot someone, you don't have to roll down a window first.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Halloween in Hollywood.

I went to a great Halloween party here. Halloween in L.A. feels a little different than in New York. Back home, folks just wear their costumes. Here, they become their costumes. Maybe it's because everyone out here's an actor. They're all so "method." For instance, on Halloween in NYC, a guy can come up to you all dressed up like Britney Spears and in a thick, tough-guy, New York accent tell ya "I'm Britney Fuckin Spears." But out here, on October 31st, that guy would BE Britney Spears. Voice. Walk. The works. Anyway, it makes for a fun party.

Halloween + L.A. got me thinking: this must be the one day of the year when mega-famous people can walk around the city without any problem. They just have to go out in costume. Tom Cruise could dress up like David Bowie, and no one would know. Cool.

The big fun for me on Halloween was going to the DEVO show at the Greek Theater. They were awesome! I've seen them a bunch of times and this was one of the longest and most varied sets I've had the pleasure to see. I was also fortunate enough to get backstage passes. That was another fun party.

After the show, I ran into a woman who also had an after-party wristband. She saw mine and asked where we were supposed to go. She looked awfully familiar...

ME: Hey, I think I know you. Did you ever work in NYC.

WOMAN: In NYC? You mean on a movie?

ME: No. At a radio station.

WOMAN: (seemingly offended) No.

I then realized she didn't work at 92.7 WDRE with me. She was Amy Heckerling, director of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Clueless, and other cool flicks. It's weird, sometimes you see people here and you think you know them from your own life, only to realize they're either famous, or kinda-famous. Here's a picture of Heckerling taken before I falsely recognized her:

Sorry to mention celebs again. I'm afraid I'll do it again, as they're Los Angeles' greatest natural resource.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

LA is like one big children's party where celebrities are the hired clowns.

People here seem to be all about enjoying life. It's refreshing. Especially compared to the day-to-day cynicism I experienced, and contributed to, in NYC. Granted, the majority of my time is spent where I work and live (the beach communities of Venice, Santa Monica, and Marina Del Rey) and the vibe in these coastal towns might be more laid back than in Hollywood.

To give you some idea of the culture shock - this is a place where folks send me emails telling me to be aware of an upcoming "cosmic trigger event" where " ultraviolet (UV) pulse beam radiating from higher dimensions in universe-2 will cross paths with the Earth." The email encourages one to go outside and bask in the beam so their positive thoughts will be manifested here in our dimension. The still-cynical New Yorker in me thinks it's just a government ploy to flatten out the population by giving us all cancer more quickly. Maybe this email was circulating on the east coast, but out here, they take it seriously.

I just passed my test to get a California state driver's license. You can't just hand in your NY license, you have to take a written test. I got down to the DMV, and it was all decked out for Halloween. Again, something you probably wouldn't see in NYC.
Cute, but I don't think there's any point in trying to make the DMV any more scary than it is. There's also something a bit disconcerting about asking a woman behind a huge spider web for a DL-44 form.

A fun distraction here are the celebrities. Of course, there are many celebs in NYC, but out here it's like a famous-person-petting-zoo. They'll come right up and eat out of your hand if you stand still enough. I was out with some work friends and we ran into Deep Roy, the dwarf from the new Willy Wonka movie. Some of the people I was with had cast him in a commercial awhile back and offered to buy him a drink. He was too busy with the ladies and said "no thanks." You know your pecking order in LA when even the 4' 4" celebrities turn down your drink offer. Here's a pic of Deep Roy taken at some point before he snubbed us:
The next day, I was invited to Houstons for a birthday brunch for my friend Clint. Houstons, while being nice and classy, is a chain restaurant. In NYC, no one seems to go to chain restaurants. My friends and I would marvel at the tourists on line to get into the NYC Olive Garden. Who the fuck goes to New York and eats at the Olive Garden? But out here, there's no point in wasting precious sunny-time to go looking for some out of the way bistro, so Houstons it was. The food was actually great. Actor Owen Wilson was there. And Brian Setzer, from the Stray Cats, was at the next table. Houstons is hopping! After the birthday ice-cream arrived, Brian came over and wished Clint a happy birthday. It would have been cool if he sang it. Here is a picture of Brian Setzer taken at some point before he was chowing down at Houstons:

Clint scored tickets, and backstage passes, for the Ladytron show at the Ford Theater. It was a great show at a terrific outdoor venue. He got the passes because he produced the videos for the opening band, CSS. They're a fun-loving Brazilian group out of San Paulo. Their full name is Portuguese for "Tired of Being Sexy." I'm a new fan after seeing their show.

In other news, my PowerBook G4 has broken down so often that Apple has agreed to swap it out for the new MacBook Pro laptop. Whoo Hooo! Until it arrives, I imagine my blog posts will continue to be spotty.

I've been living in a Marriott hotel since I arrived. My stuff doesn't get here from NYC until February, so I found a sublet until then which starts in about a week. It's a guest cottage right on the Venice Canals. It's a beautiful area and I feel very lucky to be able to live there, even for a short while. Here's a picture of the Venice Canals taken at some point before I got my apartment there:

Not too shabby, huh? I'll post some pics of my own once I settle in. Off to Houstons. Bye.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Come on.

The Co-Chair of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children is caught sending sexually explicit instant messages to young male pages...

...and the House Majority Leader weighing in on the issue is named Boehner?

Who's writing this stuff?

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


Geez, I haven't written anything here in awhile. Guess that's because so much has been going on and I've been pretty busy. Hmmm, that's precisely when I should be updating this thing isn't it? Well, here's what's kept me away...

After freelancing for four years, I've accepted a full time writing gig at Ground Zero, Los Angeles. ( I went out there to freelance for a few weeks and it felt like a great fit. Not sure when exactly I'll be going back out to LA for my official first day. I have to sort out some things here in NYC first (apartment, etc.) but I expect I'll be out there again within a few weeks. Until then, if you're in NYC and want to hang out before I take off, drop me a line. Assuming I know you that is, it's not a good time for me to start new friendships, I'm leaving soon, and I'd only end up hurting you.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

How L.A. am I already?

I dropped my cell phone in the jacuzzi yesterday.

If you have Sprint, and plan on dropping your phone in a jacuzzi, I highly recommend Sanyo's Katana phone. Mine still works.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Made it into the top 10 of the Huffington Post contest.

The second episode of my "Night Light Theater" film project made it into the top 10 of the Huffington Post's Contagious Festival for August. That means it stands a chance of winning the Jury Prize. Considering the contest tends to reward projects which are political or viral, I don't think my chances are very good. But, I'm glad to place in the upper ranks.

Speaking of Huffington Post. Check out this little short which features Arianna Huffington herself. It's a little dated, but still worth checking out:

From one Ground Zero to another.

When ad agency Ground Zero called me to come out from NYC to LA for a freelance assignment, with a presentation date of September 11th, I had to throw my own 9/11 reference into the mix and say "let's roll."

Ground Zero's a terrific agency with a long reputation of doing fun, smart, and innovative work, so I was psyched when they tapped me to freelance towards a possible full-time gig. I've been out here a few days now and it's been a cool experience so far. There's a great vibe around the agency and you can tell everyone really enjoys working with each other. They've teamed me with a partner whom I hit it off with right away, so we were able to hit the ground running on our first assignment. The place is in Marina Del Rey, a short bike ride (no car yet) to Venice Beach.

Got to go now. It's 90 degrees and sunny, so I'm headed down to the beach. In the meantime, check out this cool site one of the art directors here turned me on to - it's this artist who turns children's drawings of monsters into real ones. Pretty cool.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Stamp of approval

The other day I received a postcard from The Netherlands. All that was written on it was "High from Amsterdam." I noticed the stamp, which had been postmarked, was a bit thick and puffy. Peeling it back revealed a postage-stamp-sized block of hash.



Anonymous? Not really, I have my suspicions.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

A Saturday sighting.

Today I was having brunch with some friends at one of my favorite places, Le Gamin. Looking out the window, we saw an unusual sight. There was a female clown, hurriedly packing the trunk of her car with clown props and costume accoutrements. She was wearing most of her clown outfit already, and her painted face showed signs of panic, as if she was late or something. An older gentleman was helping her get her big clown shoes and stuff into the trunk. I thought it was odd that a clown was having trouble fitting stuff into a car's trunk, when dozens of them seem able to fit inside a car itself.

Anyway, she probably felt really stupid rushing to get to work once she realized today is Saturday. It's not a work day. All that pancake make-up for nothing.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Put your thinking yarmulkes on.

The Holocaust. Without doubt, one of the worst atrocities man ever committed against man in human history. We've all seen the horrific images of Jews starving away in concentration camps. But one has to imagine, there must have been one week there when everybody looked really, really hot. Folks walking around with 2% body fat. It must have been impossible for them to keep their hands off each other. Maybe that's why they had to separate the men and women. It was becoming a sex farm.

But seriously, my own family has dealt with Jewish persecution. In fact, when my great-great grandparents came thru Ellis Island, they changed their last name to avoid anti-Jewish sentiment in the New World. They chose "Greenspan," the name I have now. They just felt it was less Jewish sounding than their original last name - "Kyke."

Okay now, these jokes might have you branding me as some sort of anti-semite. And whatever else I do will now be filtered through that opinion of yours. That could be dangerous.

For instance, take a look at Mel Gibson. Everyone's wondering is he anti-semetic? The media keeps debating what his true feelings about the Jews are. Actors are taking full page ads out in Variety magazine distancing themselves from him and his Jew-hating diatribes. The public needs to know, is Mel Gibson anti-semetic? How does he really feel about the Jews?

While everyone's busy debating whether Mel's a Jew-hater or not, nobody seems overly bothered by the fact he's a FUCKING DRUNK DRIVER! This millionaire could afford to have TWO designated drivers waiting for him. Instead, he gets behind the wheel intoxicated, endangering innocent people's lives! What a schmuck. To me, that's a whole lot worse than being anti-semetic.

Mel's now pegged as an anti-semite. That gives him a free pass for whatever else he might do. Drunk driving? Anti-semite! Caught shoplifting? Yell out some derogatory words about the Jews, and problem solved. Now you're not a shoplifter, you're an anti-semite. What if he goes out and starts raping women in the town square? There goes Mel, that wacky anti-semite.

So, don't be bothered over whether my jokes make me an anti-semite or not. It's a distraction. It keeps you from realizing I could be something much, much worse.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Did my stand-up show.

Did my stand-up show tonight at Bowery Poetry Club. I got the gig after being "spotted" at a local open-mic. I had an AWESOME time, and the crowd seemed to as well. I was psyched to share the evening's bill with some terrific, and well-known, comedy and musical performers, including Mike Dobbins and Jason Trachtenberg of the The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players.

I hope to keep performing, and improving, my stand-up material. I'll keeps ya'll posted.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Country's oldest working lighthouse. Complete with oldest working lighthouse tour guide.

Some friends and I took the ferry out to Sandy Hook, New Jersey, to bike along the beach. It was a beautiful day, and a long fun ride. We peddled all the way to the Sandy Hook Lighthouse, the oldest working lighthouse in the U.S.A. The lighthouse is 242 years old. Our tour guide was roughly the same age.

Before the tour started, he warned us we'd be climbing a whopping 95 stairs to the top. He then warned us he'd have to make a few stops along the way to catch his breath, given he was "a bit older" than the tour group. At first, this sounded a bit cute and charming.

If you've ever been caught behind a slow moving elderly person, you know how frustrating it can be. It wasn't like we could breeze past him or anything. It was actually more comical than annoying. That is, until he veered off his "tour script" and started "improvising..."

(pointing towards some buildings lined up in ascending order)

"If you look out this window, you'll see a row of buildings. They kind of look like that Cingular commercial..."


"The one with the signal bars that go up and up..."

(silence) (cough)

"You guys know that Cingular commercial? The one with the bars?..."

(group groans "Yessss.")

"Well, I get a kick out of it."

If Cingular is paying this guy for product placement, that's brilliant. If Cingular's competition is paying this guy to make Cingular appear even more annoying, that's even more brilliant.

On the way down, I thought maybe they could put in one of those motorized chairs that takes folks up and down staircases. Can they put one of those in a lighthouse?

All in all, it really was a wonderful day. Oh, we also stopped and gawked at a nude beach. Again, the Cingular commercial came to mind.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Stand-up comedy. If at first you do succeed, try, try again.

My excursions into the world of comedy consist mainly of performing improv and writing sketch. I've only tried stand-up a few times in my life. This past Sunday, I gave it another go at FaceBoyz Open Mike. It went really well! It was a good sized room, about 40 people, and they laughed (at the right places).

One of the other performers was Jessica Delfino. She's a terrific comic, and the organizer of Shitload of Stars, a monthly East Village variety show. She thought I did a great set and invited me to join this month's show. Not bad for my 4th time getting up there, huh? If you want to come down and see my 5th time trying stand-up, and some other cool acts (including Jessica's) the details are below:

Monday, Aug. 14th, 8 PM at Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery.
$5 suggested donation, which means it can be free.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

What's all the fuss over female circumcision?

Today, where I'm freelancing, some people were discussing the prevalence of female circumcision in Africa and how horrible it is. I don't see the big deal. Personally, I don't think women should have foreskin.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Are you New York license plate AMG4910?

New York license plate AMG4910. Even though our time together was brief, I felt something special. I think you did too.

Maybe it was the way you ran that red light at the corner of 10th Street and Ave B. Or the indifference you showed when I
slammed on my brakes and toppled off my bike. Whatever it was, I think some call it Kismet.

At first, I wasn't sure you even knew I existed. But when you drove away, even after I banged on your car to let you know my bike was a bit damaged, I knew you were just being coy. Our dance had begun. I was surprised to see you chose to stop at the next red light. I was even more surprised when I managed to catch up to you, since my brake was now stuck to my back tire.

Remember when I placed my bike directly in front of your car, so you couldn't pass? Oh wait, remember when YOU called the police? Adorable. You were even cuter when the police showed up and you explained how I was the one breaking the law by not wearing a helmet. That officer, holding back a laugh as he told you that law was only for children under 13, ruined an otherwise wonderful afternoon between us.

Things went down hill from there. I accidentally hit the other officer in the face while he was examining my bike, and got bike grease on his nose and eyes. And we both found out unless an officer SEES you run a red light, nothing can be done to you, even though there was a outdoor-restaurant full of witnesses at the corner who cheered me on as I raced to catch up to you. Alas, the officers, and ultimately I, had to let you go. You obviously needed to be free. I'll hold on to the receipt for my bike repairs, to remember you always.

P.S. Call me.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

You're wrong Yahoo. It's UNfair.

We have a "severe weather alert," with 93º temperatures feeling like 106º. It's expected to climb to 101º.

Yet Yahoo! Weather claims today is fair. What the hell? Does the weather now have Karl Rove handling its spin? Look out for those "brisk" tornadoes.

Here are a couple of pics I took last winter to help you get through this "fair" day here in New York.

These garbage cans have it made in the shade.

Sceanrio A:
Some kid had a mighty cold hand, and was sad.

Scenario B:
Some kid finally learned how to stop getting beat up at school.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Night Light Theater #2

As some of you may already know, I've been working on a series of experimental, stop-motion comedy shorts - done with night lights.

I've collected a bunch of "character" night lights, and gathered together some terrific NYC improvisers (including folks from SNL's Weekend Update, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, VH1's Best Week Ever, The Daily Show, and Late Show with David Letterman) and recorded them as these personalities. Simple stop-motion and miniature sets bring the worlds to life.

The second installment is done and can be viewed in the Independent Projects section of my website. Or, take the easier way and just watch it below. Feel free to leave comments. Hope you enjoy it.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 'bout that blog entry title, huh?

A couple of years ago, my dad was hospitalized. For awhile, it wasn't looking very good. It got to the point where I had to fly down to Florida to be with my family while he was in Intensive Care. During this time, my dad gave me what amounted to his "goodbye talk." I'm very happy to say he fully recovered.

The whole event now feels similar to when I leave work, and someone walks out with me and gives me a big "goodbye," only to wind up walking the same way as me. We'll be standing together at the corner, waiting for the light to change or something, it's so awkward. We've already said goodbye. We're not gonna start up a whole new conversation. We just stand there like dorks. Worse is when they walk the same way as me for a block or two, at the same pace. I usually just stop and fix my sock or something and let them pass. Some people really know how to ruin a "goodbye."

So, my dad's goodbye was a bit awkward, but I'm glad his parting chat was positive. I sometimes imagine what it would have been like if he said: "I've never approved of you, or the way you've led your life. And why couldn't you have been taller?" and then recovered. That would have been REALLY awkward.

Speaking of awkward moments, check out my friend Hunter Fine's book, OK Then, See You Later. Useful Awkward Phrases to Make People Feel Uncomfortable Around You. It's chock full of ideas to help you create your own.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Don't mess with me, or I'll blog about you.

Dear Gentle Readers:

I had this idea where I'd make a t-shirt which read "Don't mess with me, or I'll blog about you." I'd wear this shirt for a week and any jackass, inept customer service folk, or just plain mean person I encountered - I'd document their lameness on my blog. I promptly relaized I'd never do this, but some friends liked the t-shirt idea.

Threadless is a website that allows anyone to submit a design or slogan for a t-shirt. If enough people give your idea a "yay" vote, they'll print them up and sell them on their website. I submitted this sogan, and it's up on their site while it gets voted on.

If you like the shirt idea, I'd sure appreciate if you'd visit my Threadless profile page to vote. You won't see the voting buttons unless you register first, but that literally takes less than a minute. Swear.


Friday, July 14, 2006

Please help a good cause.

I can't understand how people can walk by a homeless decorative pillow on the street and do nothing to try and help.

All too often, these pillows are given as a well-meaning Christmas or birthday present, only to be tossed away when the "fun" wears off and the responsibility they require sets in.

I work with a local rescue group, so if you'd like to open your home to this plush little guy, please contact me. He's quiet, colorful, and seems to be a mix of 60% goose down, 37% Polyester, and 3% urine.

Pic taken on NYC street

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

And the award for best use of a zoom-in on a blog goes to:

Click here.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Do I have special powers?

Just a few days ago I wondered aloud to my friend Nic, "none of the members of Pink Floyd are dead are they?" A couple of days later, Syd Barrett, founding member of Pink Floyd, died.

Weird huh?

Hey, I wonder - none of the members of Britney Spears are dead, are they?

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Being 6 was fun.

I thought these were cloud machines.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

My good friend, Ji Lee, (and me, sort of) on ABC WORLD NEWS!

Ji Lee, my friend and frequent project partner, has been working for a long time now on his Bubble Project. He made over 30,000 stickers in the shape of empty speech bubbles. These are placed on outdoor advertising all around New York City. He then goes back and photographs what passersby fill inside them.

A collection of some of the best filled-in bubbles has just been published, called Talk Back - The Bubble Project. I've seen many of his empty bubbles around the city and have filled a few in myself. ABC WORLD NEWS just did a story on his book. Congrats Ji! They even drew special attention to one of the bubbles I penned. It's really a mind-fuck to hear words I wrote coming out of the mainstream mouthpiece of an ABC anchor, especially considering the message behind my little bubble. Take a look at the clip below.

For the answer as to which bubble in the above piece was my doing, turn your computer upside down:

Monday, June 26, 2006

Beware of vague claims.

A dermatologist once told me to never use soap on my face, but to use a "facial cleanser" instead. I've taken his advice, and both me and my face have been pretty happy with the results.

I usually just pick up whichever cleanser looks the "cleanest" at the drugstore. Recently, I grabbed one which happened to say "age diminishing" on the bottle. Thing is, it didn't say WHICH age it would be diminishing me to. Apparently, it's diminished me back to puberty, as I now have zits galore.

This one on my cheek is from when I was 15 I think.

And this little gem on the side of my forehead is from a weekend trip I took back when I was 17, if memory serves me.

My voice has also started to crack and I'm having uncontrollable erections. This soap, I mean facial cleanser, truly is
age diminishing! Pick some up for yourself and see.


My improv group, Cargo Cult, has been invited by The Upright Citizens Brigade Theater to perform in their Mini-CageMatch at 8pm on JULY 3rd (my birthday)!

The CageMatch is where two teams of improvisors take the stage to prove who is the best of the best. The audience determines the winner each week via secret ballot, and the team with the most votes returns the following week to defend their title against a new challenger. In between improv sets, there's a REAL wrestling match featuring UCBW SuperStars.

This Mini-CageMatch is for indie, non-UCB teams, like ours. The winner of the tournament will get an automatic entry into the regular CageMatch in August at the UCB Theatre! Please come on down and help me celebrate my 36th year on this planet!
Win or loose, we can all go out and celebrate afterwards. Here's as link to reserve cheap tix (5 bucks).

Found Art.

Building wall I passed by in Chelsea.
(Must be an expensive piece, with the security-cam and all.)

Sunday, June 25, 2006

What to say when you're asked "what are you doing Sunday night?"

Look them dead in the eye and tell them "CAVALCADE."

Tonight marked my friend, Jeremy Levenbach's, debut of CAVALCADE, the Sunday night comedy show he's producing over Piano's in the Lower East Side.

Congrats Jeremy, and to all of tonight's perfomers, you guys put on a terrific show. The entire lineup was razor-sharp smart, and each brought something much better than funny jokes, they brought funny ideas. And, the show's FREE! Check it out Sundays at 8pm if you're in NYC.

Two of my favorites from tonight's show were John Mulaney, and Chelsea Peretti. Chelsea has a pretty cool blog where she sometimes posts short films she makes with a group called VARIETY SHAC. Her latest one is Road Trip. Take a look.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

I took this at a Texas WalMart. Truth in advertising, eh?

(I also dig the three almost-identical pick-up trucks in the parking lot.
All lined up like pigs at the trough.)

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Welcome to the Afterlife. Speak English or get out!

Every Ouija board I've seen has been in English. Never Russian, Japanese, Chinese or Greek. The next-world doesn't seem to recognize tildes and umlauts either. (Sorry my Spanish and Swedish seance goers.)

So if you're dead, and want to talk to the loved ones you've left behind, not only do you have to have friends and family who attempt to break through the physical universe to another dimension via some Parker Brothers piece of cardboard, you have to know English too? That's tough. I imagine the spirit world must be teaming with ESL schools.

English only huh? Well, I guess if it's good enough for the Hereafter, it's good enough for America's national anthem, and cheese steak places in Philly.

Funny though, you can find Monopoly customized to almost every country. I guess money is the real international, and inter-parallel-existence, language.