Monday, October 19, 2009

Carbon(ated) dating.

Recently, the company I work for created an iPhone application for Amp, an energy drink made by Pepsi. It was called "Know Before You Score," and it was designed to help guys pick up women. As reported in the Los Angeles Times:

The application provides pick-up lines and other charming tools to seduce a "wide" variety of females -- 24 in total -- including the bookworm, the cougar, the athlete and the women's studies major. It also has a "Brag" feature which encourages users to "include the name, date, and whatever details you remember" about successful hookups or failed conquests.

Pepsi removed the application after receiving heated criticism for stereotyping women. Ridiculous move Pepsi! You guys make a living selling tons and tons of corn-syrup-infused water to millions. Promoting sex between two (or more) human beings is certainly a much more natural and wholesome offering. I'd continue down that path, and forget the fizzy stuff.

And the app was educational. Who knew there were 24 different types of women?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Let's put national healthcare reform into a giant silver balloon so it can get some real attention.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Thank your friendly multi-national banking conglomerate for saving your life!

Thousands of Americans are being driven from their homes by an insidious danger: defective Chinese drywall. This Great Drywall of China contains sulfur compounds, causing foul odors, nosebleeds, headaches, and the corrosion of metal objects and appliances, forcing residents to flee in droves.

So, a hefty pat on the back to our Nation’s housing lenders and banks. For years, they’ve been trying to protect everyday citizens by taking away their homes, one by one.

When the likes of Fannie Mae, Citibank, and Countrywide heard everyday Americans were under attack from a Communist threat lurking within their sunken living rooms, they leaped into action. They didn’t waste time asking if homes even had this drywall, they couldn’t take that chance. They foreclosed first and asked questions later. Every split-level ranch was a potential Manchurian Candidate, a sleeper cell waiting to unleash anti-American fury.

Now, don’t worry about me, I’ve had all my drywall replaced with faith-based interior supports.
While government bailouts are a small step towards thanking them for their selfless efforts, my gratitude will likely go a long way in their recovery.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Leave health care alone.

The New York Times reports 263,000 jobs were lost in September, with the one bright spot being the health care industry, which ADDED 19,000 jobs. By contrast, 64,000 construction jobs were lost last month. I think it's clear that our health care system is WORKING. Literally.

We must all urge Obama to leave our health care system alone! We cannot risk tinkering with a sector that's producing jobs. Clearly, people's lack of adequate preventative health care is keeping doctors from joining the ranks of those unemployed construction workers. I mean if Indians start losing their jobs too, our unemployment lines will start looking like auditions for the Village People. As a country, we can not go back to the days of the Village People.

A booming health care industry also keeps tons and tons of 5-month old magazines in waiting rooms across the nation, and out of landfills. So you see, the current system is also good for the environment. So please join in me in calling for end to health care reform.

Come to think of it, if doctors were to wind up on the unemployment lines, it would put everyday out-of-work Americans closer to their health care providers. Hmmmm. Let me think this over some more.