Making a blockbuster movie is easy. (Spoiler alert)

Yesterday, I enjoyed a traditional Jewish Christmas – a movie and Chinese food.

The movie was Avatar, which was visually stunning. Directed by James Cameron, it bore striking similarities to his other blockbuster, Titanic. Both feature a main character that goes on a journey initially meant for someone else. Both of these characters then fall in love with a woman from a completely different world than their own. They are both found guilty of a crime the are truly innocent of, and locked up while disaster occurs all around them. A woman eventually frees them both and they go off to save the day. Both our heroes die in the end, only for us to learn that their spirits live on.

Simple. Go write a blockbuster today.

Usually it's a period, not a hyphen, that causes bleeding.

I shave in the shower. So I have, what is supposed to be, a fog-less mirror. This would imply it's a mirror that doesn't get foggy.

Rather than "Fog-less Mirror," the box should read: "Fog. Less Mirror." That's what I wind up with - a lot of fog, which leaves much less mirror to see myself in.

Let the clotting begin.

I need to work on my typing skills.

I misspelled an emoticon today.

Is it bad that I only become aware of historic or socially significant events when Google changes their logo?

Carbon(ated) dating.

Recently, the company I work for created an iPhone application for Amp, an energy drink made by Pepsi. It was called "Know Before You Score," and it was designed to help guys pick up women. As reported in the Los Angeles Times:

The application provides pick-up lines and other charming tools to seduce a "wide" variety of females -- 24 in total -- including the bookworm, the cougar, the athlete and the women's studies major. It also has a "Brag" feature which encourages users to "include the name, date, and whatever details you remember" about successful hookups or failed conquests.

Pepsi removed the application after receiving heated criticism for stereotyping women. Ridiculous move Pepsi! You guys make a living selling tons and tons of corn-syrup-infused water to millions. Promoting sex between two (or more) human beings is certainly a much more natural and wholesome offering. I'd continue down that path, and forget the fizzy stuff.

And the app was educational. Who knew there were 24 different types of women?

Let's put national healthcare reform into a giant silver balloon so it can get some real attention.

Thank your friendly multi-national banking conglomerate for saving your life!

Thousands of Americans are being driven from their homes by an insidious danger: defective Chinese drywall. This Great Drywall of China contains sulfur compounds, causing foul odors, nosebleeds, headaches, and the corrosion of metal objects and appliances, forcing residents to flee in droves.

So, a hefty pat on the back to our Nation’s housing lenders and banks. For years, they’ve been trying to protect everyday citizens by taking away their homes, one by one.

When the likes of Fannie Mae, Citibank, and Countrywide heard everyday Americans were under attack from a Communist threat lurking within their sunken living rooms, they leaped into action. They didn’t waste time asking if homes even had this drywall, they couldn’t take that chance. They foreclosed first and asked questions later. Every split-level ranch was a potential Manchurian Candidate, a sleeper cell waiting to unleash anti-American fury.

Now, don’t worry about me, I’ve had all my drywall replaced with faith-based interior supports. While government bailouts are a small step towards thanking them for their selfless efforts, my gratitude will likely go a long way in their recovery.

Leave health care alone.

The New York Times reports 263,000 jobs were lost in September, with the one bright spot being the health care industry, which ADDED 19,000 jobs. By contrast, 64,000 construction jobs were lost last month. I think it's clear that our health care system is WORKING. Literally.

We must all urge Obama to leave our health care system alone! We cannot risk tinkering with a sector that's producing jobs. Clearly, people's lack of adequate preventative health care is keeping doctors from joining the ranks of those unemployed construction workers. I mean if Indians start losing their jobs too, our unemployment lines will start looking like auditions for the Village People. As a country, we can not go back to the days of the Village People.

A booming health care industry also keeps tons and tons of 5-month old magazines in waiting rooms across the nation, and out of landfills. So you see, the current system is also good for the environment. So please join in me in calling for end to health care reform.

Come to think of it, if doctors were to wind up on the unemployment lines, it would put everyday out-of-work Americans closer to their health care providers. Hmmmm. Let me think this over some more.

Facebook Coincidence.

These two friends of mine know nothing of each other, and just happened to wind up with back to back postings on my wall. The earworms are everywhere.

My book report.

Recently, I was unpacking some books. As I took them out of the box, I put them randomly on my bookshelf without paying much attention. When I went back to organize them properly, I saw these two books had wound up next to each other.

      

The universe is one kooky place.

Partly cloudy with a 90% chance of a bargain.

If you live in NYC, you know it's rained a lot recently. You're probably also keenly aware of those ubiquitous $5 black umbrellas that blow apart in the wind, or from the light breeze of a sneeze.

That's why I was surprised to find a box full of incredible umbrellas for five and seven bucks in the back of this Lower East Side pharmacy. These are seriously sturdy, big umbrellas, for the price you'd pay for disposable one. I have to wonder if they're mis-priced. Go get 'em.

I don't think this neighborhood can appreciate the amazingness.

Snapped this in Vancouver two New Years Eves ago. Just re-found it in my camera. Click pic to enlarge.

Nice solution.

I like this billboard for Puma stores down by Lafayette and Houston. I'm sure the assignment was to simply let people know where in NYC you can find their flagship stores and running shoes. The addition of three simple words turns it into a fun and memorable message that makes great use of its location. Well done. (Click pic to enjoy the details.)

Shifting gears.

I'm a talker. I talk a lot. Sometimes to the exclusion of listening. I can also fall into the trap of being all talk and no action. Today I shifted gears on both these fronts, putting a project into motion while doing a whole lot of listening in the process.

My friend Kyle and I collaborated on a project which had us doing man-on-the-street interviews in Union Square for a few hours. A few hours of listening to all sorts of people. A question here, a little back and forth there, but mostly listening. I found it changed my interactions with everyone that day, even after we put the camera away and stopped shooting.

In the cab from the shoot, I was remembering how much fun it was to just listen to all the different strangers I met. At that moment, the driver started telling me a very long and intricate story about his family history and aspiring music career. I maybe said twenty words the whole ride, but when I got out of the car, he told me how talking with me "made his day."

Later on, I went to an art/music show at PS1 MoMA called WARM UP. In Jonathan Horowitz's exhibit (which I highly recommend by the way) a woman started a great conversation with me out of the blue. Throughout the day, it was as if the vibe I was sending out was "talk to me, I'll listen." I think it took being forced into listening all day to help me realize the fun, and power, in it.

One of the more visually interesting and participatory exhibits at PS1 was this pool people could gaze at each other through. It was a great show with plenty to see, and of course, listen to.

Stupid camera flash. Red eyes every time.

Obama. Spotted at corner of 6th and C.

The Pump. Deflated.

The Pump is a small chain of health-conscious restaurants here in NYC. I've been going to them for years, drawn in by their apparent obsession with providing a healthy diet to all. However, the other day, they really disappointed me.

Below is a screen shot from their website.

As you can see (clicking it makes it bigger), they state: "We use only whole, unprocessed ingredients like fresh vegetables, brown rice, and whole wheat pita."

The other day, I ordered their pancakes, which come with with maple syrup. I wondered how they could afford to give out free natural maple syrup since it's usually pretty expensive. I asked to see the syrup bottle. When they showed it to me, the first ingredient in the list was CORN SYRUP. Corn syrup is not only one of the most processed foods out there, but outside of AIDS, it's one of the worst things you can put in your body.

When I complained, they told me to call their main office. What followed was ridiculous.

They first told me they do only use natural ingredients - in the foods they prepare. I explained that their site, and their stores, boast how they offer only healthy offerings, and how corn syrup doesn't fall into that equation. And, by giving this type of syrup away with their breakfast, it IS an ingredient they are using.

Then they tell me they serve this crap because of how expensive real maple syrup is, and how no one else has ever complained. I explained that when your restaurants are plastered with how healthy everything you guys use is, the assumption is that everything here is natural. And, the fact that nobody has "caught" you doesn't make it okay.

They proceeded to give me a whole bunch of excuses. I told them they should at least offer a natural version of maple syrup to those who'd pay the extra, and let people know that some of what's on their menu doesn't subscribe to their health claims. Instead of even saying "we'll look into it," they tried to defend themselves. Silly.

This really isn't about the maple syrup. It's about a company being trustworthy and standing by their philosophy. There's really no way of knowing if the rest of their menu is full of unhealthy items. No matter how you cut it, they're full of shit. Well, shit is organic. Maybe they're right after all then.

Mmmmm. Doubt in every bite.

Forever?

Like until we die?

Well, how long do you plan on living?

Is it too late to change my mind?

Why are these fucking question marks all over my wedding cake?

Duane Greed. Now easier and more enjoyable to shoplift.

Saw this poster at the Duane Reade on 2nd Street and Ave. B. Very well re-written in my opinion.

Fill in those blanks in. Yeah, fill 'em in good.

Shannon, a girl I hadn't seen since high school, came by to spend a little of my birthday with me the other day. We got to reminiscing, and remembered this.

I was her paperboy, and used to hang out with her a bit during my route. One day, she broke out a MadLibs book. I proceeded to fill in the nouns, adjectives and verbs with the dirtiest words my 13-year old brain could wrap itself around. It was prose that would have made Mamet proud.

When I came to collect the money from her dad at the end of the week, he stood there with the MadLibs in his hand. He then had me read from it aloud. It was pretty humiliating. Not so much because I got caught, but beacuse when he pushed me to explain what all the words meant, I didn't really know.

Back then, I didn't know if a blow-job was a noun or a verb, and I had no idea you couldn't conjugate a pussy. Still, I think it was some of the best writing I have ever done.

A funny thing happened on my way to nowhere.

I’m aware comparing yourself to others will only lead you down a rabbit hole. But, I’m only human. Or in this case, rabbit.

The other day I found myself walking around the city feeling blue. I had just turned 39, and I was going over in my mind how, lately, many of my friends have been racking up some seriously prestigious awards in the advertising industry. Meanwhile, the situation I’m in right now hasn’t afforded me many opportunities to produce finished work and shine as brightly as my buddies.

I’m certainly happier for my friends than I am jealous of them. Well, I might be a bit jealous, but in a way that pushes me to try and do better work myself rather than be all “sour grapes.” And I’m thankful to have so many talented friends. I also know creating your own projects can be fulfilling, as well as beneficial to any creative person’s career, so there’s no need to wait around for your job to plop an opportunity in your lap. Still, on this day, I was lamenting how the accolades of the ad world haven’t been coming my way, and truth be told, haven’t been due.

Then, I tried focusing on something positive about my creative output – my improv. Since returning to New York, the work I’ve been doing at the Upright Citizens Brigade has been met with a lot of positivity by my mentors and peers. While improv isn’t a tangible thing I can put in my portfolio, submit to award shows, boost my salary with, or share with anyone other than the small audiences who see it, I was patting myself on the psychological back for having a creative outlet that made me happy and garnered some recognition.

At that absolute very moment, I happened to look down at the ground. There on the sidewalk lay an empty box from a bobblehead of the character Hiro, from the TV show Heroes. Masi Oka, the guy who plays Hiro was someone I recruited to be in SNAFU, an improv group I put together in San Francisco. Even as I tried to find my way past envy, the world just couldn’t resist shoving another friend who’s achieved a higher level of success and industry acknowledgement than me in my face. I laughed out loud. As good as my comedic timing may be, the universe’s is better. Well, I gotta run. I have a hole filled with carrots to get to.

P.S. I’ve been typing this on a plane to Denver to see my buddy Sean and go on a whitewater rafting trip. They just announced we are about to land and need to close our laptops, right as I’m finishing this post. See, my timing is indeed stellar. Take that universe.